When dating without expectations you open yourself to a world of unlimited opportunities and with a bi of luck, you might end up pleasantly surprised. Working in a male-dominated environment makes it impossible not to socialise predominantly with the opposite sex. But once in a blue moon there are the times that socialising turns into a little bit more than a quick drink after work on a Thursday night. Aidan and I struck up conversation on such occasion, followed by exchanging numbers, which quickly turned into mild flirting. By that point I thought this would possibly turn into a fling or possibly even casual sex… but definitely nothing prepared me for what was coming.
After a few weeks of innocent flirting which I expected to turn into a drinks date and possibly casual sex, Aidan dropped a bomb… he wasn’t after casual sex or after a date… he was into power play and was looking for a submissive. After the initial shock, I was intrigued… I wanted to find out more, if for no other reason, just to satisfy my curiosity. Looking back at it, half a year later, I still don’t know what it was that drove me to say yes. Was I so jaded that I would try anything that came my way in search of a spark of excitement or did I actually trust Aidan enough to give up all control and dignity (in the bedroom)? I always liked a guy who knew how to take control but I always thought that I would be too nervous to give it all up and be completely vulnerable… until Aidan came my way.
By the time Aidan came to my place for the first time, I knew that despite how nervous I felt, I wanted to let him do anything he wanted with my body. I haven’t made a habit of giving away too many explicit details in my posts, but it’s impossible to convey the experience without being a little bit graphic. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect when he came over, as he had kept his cards close to his chest up until that night. But as I saw him undoing his tie and telling me to turn and put my hands behind my back, my heart was racing. After the first time, I was covered in sweat and body fluids, my mascara was running down my eyes and his tie left its mark on my wrists for days. I knew I was addicted to it – every time I looked down at the redness around my wrists or saw the bruises he left on my body it reminded me of how he made my blood flow faster through my veins and my heart race so fast I thought it would stop. I remembered how he pushed my boundaries to the limit and every time it all became too much to handle he would smoothly ran his fingers down my back and my body’s reaction was immediate: my breathing returned to its regular pace and I no longer felt like my heart would stop.
And that was when I realised it… not only did I trust this man to take advantage of my body any way he pleased, he also had the power to calm me down and make everything go away just by touching me. In retrospect, what startled me the most was not the experiences that Aidan introduced me, but how intense this sexual encounter was and ultimately all the trust that was building up between the two of us – and how close we started growing. I knew our arrangement was purely sexual, but after a while, I couldn’t help but wonder: If I was willing to let Aidan push my boundaries more than anyone had before, and let myself experience fantasies I never thought I would, could I trust him completely but manage to not fall in love with him? And could I possibly answer that question for myself before it’s too late or would only time tell?
I might not have been able to answer that question, but I knew that opportunities like this don’t come very often and people that you can completely trust in these scenarios are rare – so I wanted to make the best of it and experience as much as I possibly could when I had the chance to. So with that in mind, I stopped overthinking and over-analysing every possible scenario – instead I opened my mind to new experiences and decided to enjoy every minute of it…