Dating someone new undeniably comes with getting accustomed to them, learning about their experiences, their likes and dislikes, achievements and mistakes and the list goes on and on. And this goes both ways. Maybe it’s just me, but I just wanted to put it out there: I think there is a fine line between spending time with someone and getting to know them and sharing a part of your routine with them. So naturally, when you are dating someone, and enjoy your time with them, there comes a time when you want (or at least it’s about time) to spend a night at their place (or invite them to stay at yours).
I have been dating Serge for the past couple of months now, and naturally spending a night together is something that came up… maybe a bit sooner than I would have liked. The first few times I thought it was reasonable to say no, it was too soon anyway. But after a while, not only is it reasonable, but it’s also a necessary step in a relationship. You get to spend more time with the other person, you get to share a bed with them and the morning after as well. But, what happens when the whole concept of spending a night at his place makes me feel, if not scared, uncomfortable, at least?
We all have our daily and nightly routines, and most of us don’t go elegantly through them. For me, it’s usually a hot shower after a long and stressful day, and then dinner while watching trashy TV shows, in a comfortable (and definitely not sexy) pair of pyjamas. A few hours later I’ll probably have the midnight munchies, because for a weird reason my stomach seems to transform into a black hole after midnight, so I’ll open the fridge and binge eat on anything I find, preferably something sweet. And all this is the least of it. I’m used to taking over a whole double bed on my own and then falling in a comma for the few hours that I get to sleep every night – and by this point, during exam season, it doesn’t even feel like sleeping anymore; I just die a few hours each day. Anyway that’s beside the point; the point is that as if all this wasn’t enough I’m a troubled sleeper as well. I tend to roll over a lot in my sleep, breath loudly, snore when I’m tired, sometimes talk in my sleep, scream or even just throw my arms around – I actually once punched my mum. By accident! Just a quick note, all these don’t happen in combination and they definitely don’t happen every night; but they do occur, from time to time. I once called someone a whore in my sleep – in a foreign language! I do realize that all this makes me sound completely crazy and I wish I was one of those people that just sleep like a baby and don’t even move until they have to wake up – but I’m not.
Having said all that, you have probably figured by now that for me, to spend a night with someone, requires a certain level of comfort. And it is only natural that I’m never going to get there if I don’t try spending time with Serge and actually spending a night over at his place, but when is the right time to do that? Is there a time when you are comfortable enough with someone to share your routine with them or is this something you just get accustomed to? Yes I have spent some nights with some ex boyfriends, but the whole concept of the sleepover was never something I got used to. When unsure of what to do I usually turn to Javier to snap some sense back into me. And naturally I got the response I expected “You are just chickening out. Just go and have a nice time and stop over-thinking it. Fair enough, this is something you are uncomfortable with, but it’s about time you grow out of it and learn new things”.
When I couldn’t stop thinking about what Javier said, I realised it’s because he’s right. And he didn’t stop there, he made me recall all my dating failures and by reminding me that the last time I actually liked anyone was more than a year ago, I decided it’s about time to stop obsessing over the small and stupid details. So maybe I will have to put the supermassive black hole that my stomach turns into after midnight under control, and maybe I won’t get the best eight hours of sleep the first couple of times – but really how bad could it be? I’m not even a cuddler (see Cuddling Time… Maybe Not?), but maybe I’ll get over that too.
Because after all, if I keep finding someone I actually like every year or so, I will probably be 50 by the time I get comfortable with someone and even call it a real relationship. So before all my hair turns grey, it’s about time to take the decision to try new things. Who knows, I might be pleasantly surprised.
What do you think? Ever thought the same about spending a night at a guy’s place? How did you deal with it? Comment and let me know.